Posts tagged ‘crazy person’


Bill the hairdresser called to tell us the dream was shattered. His wife had left him. She said it was the hogs.

Because Jason is too nice, we went to Bill’s Sunday morning to retrieve the hogs he said he would purchase from Bill. A last ditch effort to tempt his wife to return, perhaps? At any rate, at least we had the good sense to take a few panels with us. Bill made an attempt at calling the pigs…by name…to hop in the trailer like some kind of trained circus pigs. It may have worked had the bluebutt not been in the bunch.

The bluebutt (referred to only as such because I can neither remember, nor do I care to remember her name) jumped in the trailer only long enough for me to look away for a nanosecond. That was apparently plenty of time for her to make a dash for the exit. Gentle readers, Sunday was not the first time I have been but a speed bump on the road to glory and freedom for a renegade sow, nor will it be the last. However, it was Mother’s Day and I had no intention of losing any teeth Read more…


Minivan Cowgirl

I was fueling my non-mini van SUV before I left the Springs the other day. I was wearing jeans and boots- not pig poo encrusted boots, though I have those, too- but my favorite square toed boots. A Chevy diesel pickup complete with a thumping bass and doo dads dangling from the rear view mirror rolled in. It was a shortbed flatbed with chrome stacks, one leaning heavily to the inside of the bed. He revved his engine, which I assume with the price of highway diesel, likely cost him $2.50, and pulled into the pump beside me as I washed the gravel road off my back glass.
This is how the conversation went:
Him: “Look at the soccer mom trying to play cowgirl driving a minivan. Heh heh heh.”
Me: Glares. Gets into vehicle. “It’s not a minivan.”

In my head, this is how the conversation went:
Him: “Look at the soccer mom trying to play cowgirl driving a minivan. Heh heh heh.”
Me: Hands him my business card from Colorado Farm Bureau State Board of Directors. “I don’t think we’ve met,” I say. “I’m Rachel and I chair the YF&R Committee as part of Colorado Farm Bureau. We’re the largest ag lobbying organization in the state and the nation. Our policy is truly grassroots. I’ve personally written policy at a kitchen table on a farm and seen it approved as part of national policy. I’m fighting for the rights of rural, Conservative Colorado in my legislative work, my writing and speaking, and on our farm everyday. When you want your voice to join in for the greater good, give me a call and I’ll send you a membership application.”

Hrmph. A minivan. As if.

From the FarmWife Project, I Should Have Known Better, Amy Vice

I had plans yesterday.  I was going to stay home, catch up on laundry, do some spring cleaning, and listen to good music.  My husband took my youngest with him to the farm to do chores.  She is my busy ornery child, so I was thinking about how much more I was going to get done without her help.  They had 3 calves to tag and then move momma and baby to the other pasture.  We have a pasture we calve all the cows out in and then we move them to another a day or two after birth as we feed them differently according to their needs.

Heading down the road.

They weren’t gone 20 minutes when the phone rang.  Our neighbor needed to move some cows down the road, just over a mile.  He always helps us, so we are always glad to return the favor.  I love our neighbor, not only is he always willing to help, he is so kind to our girls and is always helping them with their horses when he can.  His cows are also slower movers than ours are, so it was a perfect time to let the girls ride and help.  So I quickly threw on my jeans, a sweatshirt, and my new tennis shoes.  I got my other daughter dressed and was going to take her to the farm so she could go with them.  I was going to drop her off and have the house to myself for the morning!  I should have known better… Read more…

A Goat Named Pig

We have a calf named Lucy but please don’t tell her she’s a calf. She thinks she’s a sow.

Lucy the Sow. Sigh.

Lucy bellies up to the feedline with the sows, headbutts the bullies out of the way, and protects the “other” sows from the pesky steers who occasionally make their way to the sow pasture. They’re as perplexed as cattle can be by Lucy and baffled in their own little bovine way as to why she won’t join them. Read more…

Momma said…

Me and Caden with the snack-size, Farm Fun Barbie Board. Note: the size of the board and the size of the boar. And the boots. And the fact that he's wearing shorts and I'm wearing short March. Did you see the boots? You can be jealous of my style, I don't mind.

Momma said there would be days like this.

The good news is that I didn’t spill my iced tea when I fell on my face in front of Loaf n Jug today. My head didn’t bleed when I forgot just how tall the inside of the stock trailer is and the bleeding on my hand has just about stopped.

Momma should have named me Grace.

Given my cat-like relexes and unparallelled shows of athleticism today, it was a fabulous day to load hogs to go to the sale barn. When sows and boars aren’t doing their job and producing quality litters of piglets, we cull them, or send them to the sale barn. Today was the day for six of them.

I wasn’t exactly planning to load hogs today but, as often happens, I found myself in weird combinations of clothing paired with rubber boots. Today was one of those times. Luckily, my pink polka dotted rubber boots complimented the capri pants I was vaccuuming my living room in when I dropped everything to load hogs. Read more…

The MOM moments

From time to time, the RAS  moments, or when I sound like my dad, sneak up on me.

My mom, on the other hand, is stylish, is the queen of decor, and is skilled with her hands. She sews, smocks, knits…the list goes on. I often curse genetics that I missed out on RAS’ metabolism and my mom’s ability to create and organize.

My inability to be stylish aside, I did have a MOM moment the other day. I made it to town without pliers, muck boots or a visor. I had on my glasses, jeans, ballet flats and a leopard scarf. I reached to open the glass door and….Mom?! Is that you behind me…?

I spun around, a little like a crazy person, and looked for my mom. The only person there, was me, the crazy person.

I’m hoping that our similarities eclipse just the reflection in the door glass and my spelling abilities.  My mom is talented, beautiful and a pretty funny broad. She is a woman of faith and a fine Baylor grad. I’ll take a MOM moment any time.

From the FarmWife Project: Stuck in a Rut, Jessica Waite

I’m sure ya’ll have seen a two-year old throw a fit, now picture a 20 year old woman doing that. Make you giggle? Well this story I hope will make you smile because it has made everyone else I have told laugh bug, I didn’t think it was too funny at the time. The end of the weekend had rolled around and that only meant one thing, I had to head back to Colby for school.

All morning we drove around looking and feeding cattle like Abe and I usually do on any given morning. Noon had rolled around I was dreading leaving but I knew I had to go. Here is a little secret about me; I am a cry baby, like big time! Anyways, as I was packing my bags the dam broke loose and the river began to flow. I walked out in the living room, kissed and hugged Abraham and thought to myself “this will be the last time I see my baby for almost a month!” Drama queen, I know!! Little did I know I would be seeing him pretty quick. Read more…